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Archer: 10 Times Lana Wasn't As Good Of A Person As She Claims To Be

Lana Kane is the self-appointed mother figure of the team at ISIS. Malory, the matriarch, has never been a good mother figure, and is too selfish, money-hungry, and status-obsessed to truly be a mother (as many flashbacks of her and Archer prove).

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Lana holds herself differently from the group. She believes she is one of the good ones, because of her (sometimes) liberal views, and because of her loyalty to Malory, Archer, and the company. But, as Cheryl mentioned in one of her rare moments of extreme clarity, these feelings do not arise from a place of selflessness as Lana claims but, rather, a place of deep insecurities, selfishness, and hypocrisy.

10 Mocks Pam's Weight

While Archer becomes the group's scapegoat over many seasons, Pam is originally set up to be the scapegoat of the group. In the first-ever episode, 'Mole Hunt', an emotionally tortured Archer physically abuses Pam for doing her job as a HR mediator. He also makes fun of her for being fat. Similarly, Lana mocks Pam's weight behind her back, criticizing Pam's eating habits out of her own obvious insecurities. Russian mole, Krenshaw, is forced to be the good guy, advising the team to lay off Pam, as she is actually a good person.

9 Competes With Women

In the two-part 'Space Race' episode, Lana is more concerned to prove she is still attractive than she is about the space army shooting at them. Lana is very insecure about her looks (which explains why she projects her feelings onto Pam, who is happy with her body). Consequently, Lana is very jealous of other attractive women, and insults unattractive women.

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For example, everyone makes fun of Trish, the only female crew from the original space crew, for being unattractive. Lana piles on, cautioning Trish that she is too unattractive a woman to get away with being assertive.

8 Shames Cyril

Lana suffers from emotional unintelligence. The daughter of overachieving parents, who pressured her into achieving constant perfection, Lana is not very good at displaying empathy. She, Cyril, and Archer share in common a traumatic childhood defined by conditional parental love, and parental expectation of perfection. Yet, Lana is not able to see these similarities between herself and her two lovers.

Rather than extend empathy to Cyril, who is stunted by his father's conditional love, Lana shames him and emasculates him in front of her colleagues, further traumatizing a man who is in serious need of mental and emotional healing.

7 Progressive Only For Her Selfish Benefit

During a protest against real fur, Lana meets Malory. Lana is an environmentalist and a leftist, whose beliefs are at odds with her job as an international spy - a job that directly protects imperial interests. There is no doubt she took a job against her core beliefs, because of the pay. This is clear to see when Lana describes that she is against illegal immigrants for financial reasons, i.e. they cost her, a taxpayer, and leave fewer resources for citizens like her.

Lana only claims to be liberal-leaning when it either benefits her economically, or when it benefits her by making her look like a good person.

6 Just As Money-Driven As Malory

Despite her protests, Lana is just like Malory. This is why Cheryl tells her that Lana will never leave Malory, no matter how much she complains about Malory's favoritism towards Archer. Lana craves Malory's validation because she desperately wants to be finally assured that she is good enough, a problem that is at the root of her insecurities.

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Furthermore, Lana proves even her daughter is for sale when she allows Mallory to bid on changing her daughter, Abbiejean's, middle name.

5 Marries For Money

Archer wakes up from his coma to find Lana is now married to billionaire, Robert. Robert is much older than her and not very conventionally attractive. In 'The Orpheus Gambit', it is revealed that Robert fetishizes black women, and sees Lana as nothing but a sexual conquest. Even worse, Lana does not know much about her husband, who disrespects her by fetishizing her, and by being secretive towards her.

Although she claims to be a person who abhors corporate America, Lana marries the very embodiment of oppressive capitalism when given the opportunity to join the ultra-wealthy class.

4 Almost Blinds Ray

To survive working for ISIS, you must be dysfunctional, or, like Ray and Pam, understand how to deal with toxic people. Lana belongs to the former. The best agent at ISIS, Lana is unable to take criticism and ribbing - even when others are clearly joking. This is the case when Ray jokes around that Lana is still in lust with Archer.

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In a typical Lana overreaction, she throws a tantrum, and swerves the boat. The sudden movement lodges a blunt brush into Ray's eye socket, and he has to wear an eye patch until they escape the pirate island. Her sudden temper outbursts make Lana a dangerous person to be around.

3 Punishes Cyril For Archer's Crimes

Season One deals with Lana and Archer still coming to terms with their break up. Lana has started dating Cyril to get back at Archer, since they both despise Archer. Malory warns Lana that her sexual tension with Archer would drive Cyril to cheat, but Lana is too vain to listen to the advice.

Audiences watch as Lana's baggage from Archer's serial cheating and mother issues manifest in her relationship with Cyril. Moreover, Lana punishes Cyril for Archer's mess, finding herself unable to trust a man or be vulnerable with him, because Archer abused her vulnerability.

2 Uses Archer's Sperm Without His Permission

To decide whether to use Cyril's or Archer's sperm for fertilization, Lana makes the choice based on what would annoy Archer more. She reasons that having Archer's baby without telling him would drive him crazy. Archer and Lana might be good friends, but Archer rightfully calls her out for using his sperm without permission.

Essentially, Lana creates a child without reasoning that there is no stability in her life, and that her child's father is a very unstable, emotionally unhealthy man. Her decision highlights the selfishness that is very characteristic of Lana. In Season 11, she admits that she sent her daughter to boarding school, because she did not want the responsibility of actually raising her.

1 Shoots Archer Multiple Times

A big part of Lana's emotional unhealthiness is her inability to process her emotions - or even to accept them. She does not like how easy it is for Archer to get under her skin so, typically, she shoots him or resorts to any form of physical violence against him. In Archer Vice: 'Arrival/Departure', Lana almost shoots Archer in the face when her labor pains become too overwhelming. Luckily for Archer, there are no more bullets in the gun.

Lana's decision to face all her problems through verbal and physical violence only exacerbates her personal issues; it never solves them.

NEXT: Every Season Of Archer, Ranked



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